Boundaries are the cornerstone and hallmark of an open relationship. Scratch that: Boundaries are the cornerstone and hallmark of a THRIVING open relationship. In fact, most couples or even singles who migrate over to experimenting with open relationships are baffled to learn that communications in open relationships are far more expansive than in traditional relationships.
Clear agreements help both partners feel secure, respected, and understood. Hence, why mainstream marriage has an over 50% divorce rate…
However, even with the best intentions, boundaries can be breached in subtle ways that might not immediately stand out.
Recognizing these non-obvious breaches is essential to maintaining trust and harmony in a relationship.
The Unspoken Expectation Illusion
We are who we say we are. Unless we don’t say it. Then we are who they say we are.
Confusing?
One of the most common ways boundaries are inadvertently crossed is through unspoken expectations. For example, one partner might assume their boundaries are implied and understood, only to find that the other partner has unknowingly crossed them.
“Oh, I thought it was totally OK to flirt with your coworker through text?”
That may sound crazy to you, but in open relationships, boundaries are always unique to the couple or few partners. Without clarification, of course, things like embarrassing work scenarios might play out. Maybe you don’t want Betty, the accounting manager, flirting with your husband. Maybe that’s just cause you don’t like mixing work and open relationships as opposed to feeling jealous. Without a clearly defined spectrum of “who” and “where” and “when,” confusion leads to Betty thinking it’s game on.
Regularly revisiting boundaries is a great idea to help stave off Betty scenarios. Even if something feels obvious to you, it’s worth bringing up to ensure mutual understanding.
The Tangled Up in Emotions Quandary
Its bad enough there was confusion over whether Betty was OK to flirt with, but now imagine you’ve included Betty, and someone likes Betty a lot more than you do.
Developing deeper-than-expected emotional bonds with a new partner can lead to feelings of neglect or insecurity in the primary relationship.
Open relationships come in all sizes and shapes. Some people don’t want to know about exploratory partners. Others do know, and maybe even partake in the fun. But in every case, emotional connections can ruin things.
And this is where things get murky.
Denying that any and all emotions exist is often naive and certainly not authentic. If someone is fun and you’re attracted to them, you’ll feel something. The key is ensuring that “something” doesn’t blossom into a full blown relationship that challenges and confuses your primary relationship. Because once that happens, you’ve defeated the purpose of an open relationship all together.
The first step to preventing this is to watch yourself. When you feel an attachment deepening, discuss with your primary partner with the goal of exploring adjustments. In a more sweeping scenario, cutting off the exploratory relationship may well be best. But don’t ghost, be up front. We don’t dig ghosting around these parts.
The Mismanaging of Time Situation
So many of us aren’t great with time. Usually, that’s just an inconvenience for friends waiting at the dinner reservation a person short. In open relationships, it can create real messes.
Time management is critical in open relationships. When one partner begins to prioritize new connections over the primary relationship, it can lead to feelings of being undervalued or neglected.
You must make sure you are prioritizing time with your primary partner. If that’s an issue, you need to adjust your open relationship schedule by potentially, lightening the load. If you feel you’re juggling, you are probably frustrating and upsetting your primary partner. Open relationships need not be stressful, at least not due to time.
The Social Media Breaching
Social media, the often epicenter of ruining all great things in life, once again rises up. haring details about outside relationships on social media without consent can breach privacy boundaries. For example, posting a photo or status update that references another partner might create discomfort or jealousy. But its even more than just all that. People using social media develop “emotional entanglements” we spoke to earlier. People tend to also start thinking that life on social media is reality and expect their partner to reflect as such.
Set clear guidelines for social media. Agree on what’s appropriate to share and ensure mutual respect for privacy. Make sure that time spent is “healthy” time, not time that’s causing a whirlwind of wild thoughts.
By identifying these non-obvious ways boundaries can be breached, you’ll be better equipped to maintain a healthy, respectful open relationship. Open communication and mutual understanding are key to avoiding these pitfalls.