We love connecting people who prefer, or are even newly interested, with open relationship connections. While we do believe that open relationship structures can be an excellent diversion from a lot of failed traditional relationship pitfalls, we don’t pretend that meeting new open relationship folks doesn’t come with frustrations.
Like any dating site, the better you understand red flags, the more time you save and the faster you meet that special someone.
Whether you are looking for a primary or secondary partner on our open relationship dating site, spotting red flags either in person or online is a big advantage.
Let’s explore the biggest red flags to help you improve your dating experience.
Red Flag #1: Disrespecting Boundaries (Yours or Theirs)
Open relationships thrive on communication, honesty, and consent. So it’s a serious red flag if someone repeatedly pushes past the boundaries you’ve clearly stated. Whether it’s ignoring your relationship agreements, demanding more access than you’re comfortable with, or brushing off your needs—take notice.
It’s not just about what they ask for, but how they react when you say no. If a connection can’t respect a simple boundary now, how will they behave when things get complicated?
How to address it:
Start by restating your boundary in plain terms. Give the person a chance to respond with respect. If they react defensively, dismissively, or try to guilt you, don’t waste time. Your energy deserves people who listen and adjust, not those who test limits for sport.
Red Flag #2: Vague About Their Relationship Status
We’re all for fluidity—but not for confusion or dishonesty. If someone won’t tell you whether they have a primary partner, or they change their story about who they’re dating and how, be cautious. Clarity about one’s relationship structure is key to ethical non-monogamy.
How to address it:
Ask direct questions. “Do you have a primary partner?” “What does your open relationship look like?” Anyone sincerely navigating non-monogamy should be able to answer without squirming. If someone avoids clarity, it’s not mysterious—it’s messy.
If you’re feeling some shadeyness, it may be best to go with your gut.
Red Flag #3: Talking Trash About Their Other Partners
One of the more subtle red flags is when someone regularly complains about their current or former partners. Sure, we all vent occasionally—but if your date constantly badmouths the people they’re supposedly in open relationships with, that says more about them than the others. And let’s be honest, they’re most likely trashing you to them; because, that’s how these things work.
It signals poor communication skills and potentially toxic patterns that you don’t want to inherit.
How to address it:
Gently ask what kind of communication tools they use with their partners. If they’ve got nothing positive to say about anyone they’ve dated, chances are they’ll talk the same way about you eventually (probably already are).
Red Flag #4: Love-Bombing or Rushing Intimacy
Open relationships can move at different paces—but fast isn’t always fun. If someone you’ve just met is already calling you “the one” or making big plans, it may not be a sign of deep connection—it could be a red flag.
In open dating especially, it’s important to discern between authentic chemistry and emotional overwhelm disguised as affection.
How to address it:
Stay grounded. Tell them you’re interested but want to build things slowly and see where it leads. A healthy partner will understand and match your pace. If they don’t? That’s your sign. Love bombers run for the hills when asked to slow the pace.
Red Flag #5: Jealousy Disguised as Curiosity
Here’s a tricky one. Jealousy can show up as “innocent questions.” They might ask how often you’re seeing other people, who you’re sleeping with, or even compare themselves to your other partners.
This can feel like curiosity at first—but if it’s constant or gets competitive, it’s likely insecurity creeping in. And in open dating, unaddressed jealousy tends to spread fast.
How to address it:
Openly acknowledge the vibe: “I noticed you ask a lot about my other dates—how are you feeling about our connection?” This invites honest conversation, not confrontation. If they shut down or become defensive, it might be time to move on. Also, read our guide on open relationships and jealousy.
Red Flag #6: They Say “I’m Open” But Mean “I’m Cheating”
Though listed at #6, it could easily be in the #1 spot, especially if we consider frustrations involved.
Some people misunderstand or misuse open relationships to justify infidelity. If someone avoids sharing their relationship style, can’t tell you what agreements they have in place with their primary, or says things like “they don’t need to know”—huge red flag.
How to address it:
Ask if their partner knows they’re dating. Ask what kind of openness their relationship involves. Ethical non-monogamy is all about transparency and respect. If their answers sound like secrets, it’s not open—it’s dishonest.
Final Thoughts: Trust Your Gut
Red flags can feel subtle at first—but they’re often easier to spot when you’re clear on your own needs, boundaries, and goals. The beauty of open relationships is that you get to build something custom-fit to your life. Don’t settle for less just because the dating world is a bit unconventional.
The good news? For every person showing red flags, there are dozens more who are emotionally available, self-aware, and genuinely excited to explore open connections.
So keep your head up, your standards high, and your profile honest. The right matches will find you.
FAQs
What’s the biggest red flag in an open relationship?
The biggest red flag is a lack of honesty—especially when it comes to existing partners, agreements, or boundaries.
Can jealousy exist in open relationships?
Yes, jealousy is natural and manageable. The key is to communicate it openly and handle it with emotional maturity.
How do I talk to someone about their red flags?
Be kind but direct. Share how their behaviour makes you feel, and see if they’re open to growth. If not, you’ve got your answer.
What should I do if I ignored a red flag?
It’s okay—we’ve all done it. The goal isn’t perfection but learning. Reflect on what happened, set firmer boundaries, and move forward.