Are you considering what happens when raising kids in a less traditional relationship? Are you in an open relationship, and have kids? Or want kids?
Being a caring parent and being in an open relationship don’t need to be separated. It happens all the time. But the uniqueness, less-traversed aspects of an open relationship can mean a little less orthodox approach to things.
We’ll break all that down.
First, You Should Examine All Relationships
We always find it interesting that the road less traveled lifestyles tend to become the ones under the most scrutiny. As if to say, if you’re in an open relationship, read up, study up, understand all the risk to your children.
At the same time, we casually ignore these precautions when it comes to traditional relationships – AKA the ones which often end in turbulent divorce.
The point isn’t to demean monogamy. Not in the slightest. And it’s not to slight the idea that parents in open relationships shouldn’t consider the consequences their kids may encounter. Instead, It’s to shed light on the hypocrisy our culture partakes in when we speak of non-monogamy.
The point is, you’re relationship with a spouse in any way, shape, or form, affects your children. We should all be sensitive to this regardless of what style of relationship appeals to our sense of happiness.
This Hypocrisy Isn’t New
If we think back to the attacks same-sex marriages, we see the blueprint that exist when consensual adults decide to embark on non-traditional love. Almost always, conservative political opponents raise “concerns” over kids.
As mentioned earlier, we should always concern ourselves with kids in any type of relationship. All relationship types offer challenges, whether open, LGBTQ, or traditional. A traditional relationship often ends in divorce, that’s not healthy for kids. The scrutiny should work equally in all directions, but unfortunately, our culture upholds and often embraces biases and prejudices. That isn’t ending any time soon.
But let’s get beyond that.
It’s About Love, Compassion
At the core of parenting, love and compassion are the essential work we do.
Whether your a two men, or a couple who’s relationship is open, as long as your love for your kids guides you, your moving in a great direction.
There’s nothing that says two hetero people in a “closed” relationship are the best parent types. There’s no existing science in this area.
What we do know is that parents who care and love and offer compassion and empathy are often the best parents.
And there’s some wonderful literature out there to help, including this article.
The Social Implications
If you’re in an openly open relationship, which means others in your community know about it, then you’ll need to consider how that affects your kids.
There’s the potential that other kids may bully your kids based on prejudice information passed down from their parents.
Its best to keep communication open with your children. Always be open to talk about things – all things. The more you allow free communication to flow, the more you’ll learn about your kid’s daily happenings.
Your decision to be open about your relationship status in the community has implications for your kids. And by that logic, you’ll need to assume such responsibility in conveying appropriate understandings.
Quick Tips
- Answer your children’s questions honestly. If they have questions about your relationship, don’t be afraid to answer them. Be as open and honest as you can, but also be respectful of their age and maturity level.
- Reassure your children that they are loved and valued by all of your partners. It’s important for children to know that they are not being replaced by your other partners. Remind them that they have a special place in your heart and that you love them unconditionally.
- Create a safe space for your children to talk about their feelings. It’s important for children to know that they can talk to you about their feelings about your relationship structure, even if those feelings are negative. Let them know that you are there to listen and support them.
- Seek out resources and support for non-monogamous families. There are many resources available to help non-monogamous families thrive. There are books, articles, websites, and even support groups dedicated to non-monogamy.