If you’re reading this (and, you are), you’re at minimum entertaining the idea of an open relationship.
Maybe you’ve found your marriage or relationship on the rocks. Maybe you’ve tried monogamy unsuccessful in what feels like a bad pattern. Maybe deep down, you simply know monogamy isn’t your thing.
Now you want to know if you’re right for a non-monogamous relationship. We’re here to help.
Not Everyone Is Built For an Open Relationship
Let’s start with the most important facet of this article. Not everyone should be in an open relationship. Yes, we offer one of the most robust open relationship communities and we’d love to see it continue to grow; but not at the expense of people who won’t ultimately benefit from an open relationship.
While the adventure of an open relationship status may feel energizing and exciting right now, we highly encourage you to consider it might not be right for you. By making this consideration, you can more fairly and reasonably decide what’s best for you.
Look, an open relationship will most likely benefit you. But you need to self-audit in the most unbiased of ways. And that begins by considering all sides.
Below are open relationship self-assessment questions. We don’t hold the answers you should have, instead, these questions help you prompt your own conclusions. You need to self-examine who you are now and where you need to be in order to enter into a thriving open relationship.
Give these questions deep consideration over days, not minutes.
Self-Assessment: Key Questions to Consider
1. Foundational Views on Relationships and Love
What is your perception of love? Do you feel its infinite or limited by traditional boundaries? In this case, you must imagine an idea of loving, either mentally or physically, other people without diminishing love for your true one.
This comes down to your belief of and in commitment. What does it mean to you? Can you imagine a powerful commitment bond with one person while multiple physical relationships exists?
How do you balance your desire for individual freedom with the security of a relationship? Do you feel a relationship can be secure if it’s open?
2. Sexuality and Intimacy
Are you sexually open? We know, if you’re a guy, you probably say “yes” with immediacy. But is that openness really just your desire to physically bond with others? Because you need to regard the inverse as crucial. In other words, how will you feel sharing your partner physically?
How do you differentiate between sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy? Are you okay with your partner forming deep emotional bonds with others?
3. Trust and Jealousy
Consider trust as a concept. What’s the cornerstone attributes which your trust is built on? Is it avoiding jealousy? What triggers feelings of jealousy for you. Do you feel jealousy from both physical and romantic situations?
4. Independence and Interdependence
How important is your independence in a relationship? Are you comfortable with your partner seeking emotional or physical needs from others?
5. Cultural and Social Values
What is your upbringing? What family values do you tend to embrace versus the ones you deny?
Examining your upbringing is a huge part in deciding your relationship status path forward.
6. Future Outlook
Lastly, you need to decide where it is you see yourself in a relationship in 2 years, 5 years, and even 10 years. Do you want children? How would having children while in an open relationship cause you to feel?
Engaging in an open relationship is like anything, it will take work and focus. Recklessly jumping into an open relationship without an authentic self-examination can do more harm than good.