The myriad of benefits to an open relationship can sometimes be tainted by insecure feelings over how to handle communicating your lifestyle to friends and family. If you’re currently in an open relationship, you may feel you lead two separate lives.
But like many alternate lifestyles, the personal journey for “coming out” can be stressful and overwhelming. For some, keeping their open relationship insulated from their traditional lives is their way forward. But for others, coming out is eventually a must.
We’ll examine when and how to have conversations about an open relationship lifestyle with friends and family.
Should You Tell Your Family, Friends?
When it comes to making the big decision regarding conveying your new lifestyle choices to your friends and family, there’s certainly no shortage in polarizing opinions.
Some believe it is absolutely essential to be open regarding your relationship lifestyle choices. But we believe that everyone should forge their own path and journey. For some in an open relationship, they may feel its better to keep things separate. For some in serious open relationships, they may feel that they can’t partake in social ongoings fully until they’ve been open about their lifestyle.
And for some, it may be a decision based in integrity – “why should we have to hide our love structure?”
If you’re in the camp that decides its important to disclose your open relationship structure, you should heavily consider a number of things before doing so.
You must keep in mind that this news will likely feel overwhelming for the receiver. Telling someone else shouldn’t be taken lightly. The way you convey the message, the place you convey it, and how you convey it, can make all the difference in how the person receives the news.
Understanding Your Own Feelings First
Before you go down a road of breaking any news, you should first get as acquainted with your own self first. Self-therapy, or self-reflection, is a helpful way to begin a journey in communicating anything that involves feelings.
You need to understand yourself. You need to first accept who you are and build on that confidence. You need to recognize your own hopes, fears, and apprehensions.
Why?
Because only when you explore your own inner-workings can you sophisticatedly convey an emotional message to someone else. Remember, they’ll experience a rousing of fears and apprehensions themselves.
Prepare for the Talk
Any time you plan to have a “big talk” over any subject, particularly ones that are potentially shocking, you should prepare.
Gather resources: Find books, articles and stories which help explain what’s happening. These are used first to help you with your messaging. Second, if the situation calls, they may be good to hand over as additional understanding that’s beyond your words.
Anticipate questions: Those books and resources, as well as your self-reflection and conversations with friends, can help you anticipate numerous questions. This helps you with your responses. It also helps you remain calm when potentially offensive questions arise.
When you anticipate and rehearse these types of questions, you’ll respond in calm, intelligent ways. This helps you keep the conversation on track.
You’ll also want to practice the art of saying less for more impact. Saying less is often a more powerful way to convey a concept. You want shorter, more concise and digestible, points.
Remember, this family member or friend will only understand an open relationship concept from mainstream TV shows and movies. They’ve likely had little to no exposure to the real thing. It’s all an upside down pineapple on a cruise ship for them (not that there is anything wrong with that, but it’s a more salacious understanding).
The Time, The Place: Be Discerning
Emotions fuel us. Sometimes, that’s a wonderful thing to leverage. Other times, it can cause us to rush things.
Once we feel we’re ready to have the conversation and “come out,” we may feel the “strike while the emotional iron is hot” vibe and rush the conversation.
It’s OK to fast-track it because you’re ready. But you need to pay attention to the timing and the location.
You don’t want to bring it up when your mom is nagging you about “not being hitched already.” You don’t want to start talking about an open relationship when your best friend is stressed from work.
Find a calm time. A time where the recipient of this message is in a more blissful place and we’ll be at their most focused and accepting.
Find a place that’s non-distracting. Don’t break the news over drinks at a local happy hour where bartenders and patrons are interrupting.
Approaching The Conversation
Begin with your personal journey. You have a story, this is your time to tell it. While conveying the open relationship structure should be concise, your story should possess passion and authenticity. Be clear, honest, and open to questions. Remember, many people see open relationships as purely an expansion of sexual adventure. Your mission is convey that core reasons and values for your decision. You can also discuss your initial apprehensions and fears.
Now, for the essential part: Highlighting the values of trust, honesty, and communication in your relationship.
I know, at this point, you may feel you’re “selling” your relationship to someone. But its better to look at it from the perspective that you’re conveying your relationship love and passion. Again, the person you’re telling has been exposed to shallow perspectives through mainstream TV and news. You’re interrupting that narrative with your story and explaining your values and trust.
Prepare for Negative Reactions
You’ve explained your story, you’ve offered resources, but yet still, the negative reactions flood in.
It may happen.
Be prepared.
It’s important to remain calm. You do this by fully realizing that everyone has their own journey to understanding open relationships. And that will likely take some time.
It’s important that you don’t get baited into intense exchanges, arguments, or worse. Your message conveys a new relationship structure that’s built for more love and passion. Stay the course with your messaging. Reflect your course in your messaging by not getting heated.
Conclusion
Sharing your open relationship truth can help you and your partners live a more free life. Hiding a lifestyle can amount to unhealthy stress and angst. Moreover, you can help transition the open relationship narrative for those who surround you and shall come after you.